hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
