On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
where are you?
Hypothermia
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
