when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
