i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
