Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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