i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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