omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
