turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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