I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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