Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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