I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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