Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
