The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
