Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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