So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
