Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
