We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
