Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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