I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
