Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
