Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize