sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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