The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize