Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
