Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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