im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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