drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just pee around me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
