Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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