I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
