we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
