we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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