so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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