I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We are two peas in an std pod
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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