oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
