A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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