I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
