Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
