i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
