i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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