There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
