Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
