So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
