doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
