just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
