I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize