I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
