Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
