Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
