Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
