bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
