Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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