So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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