the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
