just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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