It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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