No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
