I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
