Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
