handjob tips. give me some.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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