Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's get the cat blown out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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