i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
