i barfeds in our rink
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
