She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
