Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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