Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
