I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
