Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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