I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
