Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
