Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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