I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
