Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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