theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
this just has baby written all over it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
