it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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