Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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