I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just had sex on a roof
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
